untitled

Too long has it been on any sort of update on this blog. I guess I still prefer the pen and paper route all the same. Or rather, I try to spend less time in front of the computer. A hit and miss as I end up watching something on the TV. As of late though, I have been outside keeping busy cutting down branches, doing some sort of outdoor stuff. Try to at least.



Last night, before I fell asleep, I found this documentary "Up/Down" which is about bipolar disorder. It explains well to an extent the situation of it, and for those who lack understanding of it, the emotions going through it. It describes perfectly what I feel. As I recall a conversation a few days back, I of all person should know how to convey things in words when I admit I can't. But it is true, I can't. It's difficult and confusing to explain the thoughts/emotions/situation I feel but this documentary somehow was something I could relate to and I wish I could be outspoken and tell everyone to watch it but the most I could do is share the link onto my Facebook page. I doubt anyone would watch it.




I wonder if I should make everything in my head for the public to see and post more on this medium. Somehow as private as I want to be, I feel I need people to understand me as well. Hear me,listen to me,understand my reality/perception of everything?



As much as I hate to put myself out there, leave a digital imprint (not like anyone would care), be googleable so to speak, does it actually really matter?



Who knows..I still don't. I'm just sitting here, putting out thoughts because I feel it is somewhat therapeutic.



Either way, an update to things I've done or intend to do :



Lockpicking (have a set of picks and going to go for it)



Wood carving - well I have put a knife to use and carved out a wooden knife albeit crude. More like a wooden shiv.



Hiking/trekking - it seems nice to be outdoors.



Not stuck to a phone checking things online etc - thus far I have not had my phone on me for over a month or more, in fact I seem to have kept it in my backpack for a very long time. I might get a new regular phone i/o a smart one when the time comes since I've broken my current one.



Dying - A thought I've constantly have had over and over and seems the most logical and rational since I've come to a conclusion I've lived and gone through enough of what life has to offer. Growing old and having my own kin seems not of a deal I seem to be bothered on. The passing of hereditary genetics can and has been done by my other sibling which should satisfy and suffice for my mother. I have thought of getting lost in the cold mountains here in California as I think I shouldn't last long in the cold though painful it maybe but somewhat natural way of passing in nature. A quaint and beautiful thought.



Coding - I've learnt some basic html coding which I would like to complete to progress to other languages especially in software development. Seems interesting and maybe I could think of a beautiful app to make some money. Wouldn't hurt.



More and more diving. I wish I could dive a lot but this cursed beautiful activity requires too much money to enjoy nature underwater. Maybe I should invest in a boat.



I'm now bored so I shall end here and spend copious amount of time surfing the internet which I loathe yet adore.
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